And what if you DON’T feel Christmas spirit?

(This post is not about Christmas cheer. If you’re looking for Christmassy stuff, just go somewhere else. But if you’ve had enough, even if you’re not a teacher, feel free to stay)

Christmas carols galore, Christmas commercials and decorations, Santa Claus, elves, presents (oh, wait, those are actually cool), so much food you already have a New Year resolution ready, and, oh, not again – Christmas lessons… sounds familiar?

Fed up with the Christmas stuff? There, there, let me pat you on your back. Stop sobbing, hush. As the Evil Mistress in the making I’ve got something to help you recover – a nice list of not-so-christmassy-Christmas songs. If you feel like it, share them with your students, but I’d rather use them as a nice background music for all the teachery stuff you have to do during Christmas anyway.

Christmas at Ground Zero by Weird Al Yankovic is the first song that springs to my mind – no wonder with Fallout 4 everywhere, but still, the song is pretty cool and if I were forced to bring some Christmas cheer to the classroom that would be my choice. Lots of vocabulary to explain, you can discuss survival skills, evacuation pattern etc. Or you can just listen to the song imagining a nuke blowing up all the tests you have to correct.

Don’t Shoot Me Santa by the Killers is an ultimate teacher song – ever felt like dancing around your students with a proper axe in your hand? It’s a great song to get you in the mood! It’s Christmas time after all, make yourself a present by creating a war dance on the graves of your misbehaving students.

I don’t like Bob Dylan singing, all right? He’s a great songwriter, but he should leave singing to others. But there’s this song, Must Be Santa with just a perfect video to remind me why Christmas parties (especially the ones with teachers!) are not the best idea ever. Cheers, Bob.

If you’re interested in what exactly I am listening to during Christmas since avoiding carols sounds rather difficult, here’s the answer: The H.P.Lovecraft Historical Society! Fellow cthultists have been recording some good stuff, including two albums full of Solstice cheer fear. Take The Carol of the Old Ones, now, isn’t that cute? Just don’t get too hopeful, when the stars are right Cthulhu will devour us all anyway, cthultists or no cthultists.

Let’s leave R’lyeh and move to the UK which can also add some pepper to the Christmas punch. The one and only Eric Idle performs a song which I know by heart. It’s called, simply, Fuck Christmas. Guess what it’s about, huh. My husband’s favourite one, when I hear his cynical voice drawling the chorus I know it’s time to turn the radio off in case of Wham’s Last Christmas (ugh).

If your mood is too foul to be appeased by mere Eric Idle, there’s something most people would perceive as an overkill, namely: South Park. You can start with Kyle being A Lonely Jew on Christmas, but if you don’t know South Park well enough, be careful, it may lead you down straight to The Most Offensive Song Ever – feel warned, whoever you are! Especially if you’re my student – do not, I repeat, do not check The Most Offensive Song Ever! It’s really not worth it…

Now, if you’re tired with profanities and swearwords – I know I would be – you may enjoy good old Freddie and his Winter’s Tale, one of the best winter-themed songs… and it’s not relating to Christmas! And if you’re not tired of swearwords just start correcting tests listening to Driving Home for Christmas (I mean, seriously, how long has he been driving?).

Anyway, Christmas Was Better in the 80s, sing the Futureheads and aren’t they right? All I had to do was a) not to disturb in the kitchen b) be grateful for the presents. And I wanted to grow up, really! Why did I even bother? Oh, wait, my main responsibilities are still keeping away from the kitchen and enjoying presents…

To prove there are some things truly beautiful about Christmas, I want to remind how important musical interpretations are, you can listen to a casual Christmas carol in a version that will smite you. For example, you can enjoy listening to Sir Christopher Lee’s metal carols (they’re absolutely cute), AC/DC can also be pretty festive, not to mention the Darkness (Christmas Time is a really nice song – cheap and cheesy, yeah, but still!).

Here I want to share an old Ukrainian carol in my best-loved interpretation.

Enjoy your Christmas!